“I want to move to Brazil, I need to get back to Brazil, how do I convince her to move back to Brazil?!”
This was my frustrating train of thought for years and to be honest, it irritated and frustrated my wife (understandably).
I had an undying passion for this sun-kissed country and couldn’t wait to be rejoined with it again, the problem was that my wife didn’t feel entirely the same. And I completely understood her as we had two small children and she was in the middle of a university education.
Logic and wisdom stated that we should wait out any move (if at all) but my heart told me the exact opposite.
I respected my wife’s concerns yet somehow a turn of events happened launching us into Brazil shortly thereafter!
How did I go from 0 chance of moving to Brazil to making it happen? Easy, by choosing to respect and motivate my wife…
Let me translate what I did into 5 easy to follow steps to help you get through the same struggle.
1. Respect and Listen to Their Concerns
“It’s dangerous down there and it would be hard for the children to have to give up all their friendships and start over in a country and school where they don’t know anyone!”
Does this argument sound familiar in any way?
These are real concerns but mostly projections of his/her own feelings onto the children. Brazil is a paradise for children where they get constant attention from everyone and danger is something that is everywhere – it is more risky to get behind the wheel of a car back home then it is to live in a semi-dangerous area of a Brazilian town.
Though the above rationale may be true, do not use this information to argue their concerns away!
The smartest thing you can do in this kind of situation is to be compassionately strategic:
- Listen and show understanding for their concerns (reflect to them that you understand completely what their worries are).
- Save your rebuttal for another less heated moment.
- Don’t turn this into a Brazil vs (insert country here) fight!
The idea is to put your pride aside and win your partner’s trust.
Her: “Brazil is way too dangerous to live in!”
Me: “I understand your concern about our family’s safety and I would never want to put our family in harm’s way”
Her: “Then why would you want to move to Brazil?”
Me: “Because I know that danger is everywhere and I don’t feel like we should be motivated by fear – plus Brazil has some really safe areas.”
Her: “hmmm…that’s not what I’ve heard….”
Me: “You are right and that’s one of the things that Brazil gets the worst wrap for in the media due to favelas etc!”
The above is just an example of a conversation that could take place where your focus is on showing compassion and at the same time taking her side, while clearing the smoke up a bit.
2. Give Valuable Comfort to Their Problems
After you have listened to their issues with Brazil, start writing them down and making a list.
And if we take the issue of safety in Brazil as an example again, we could do the following:
- Keep up to date with current news regarding safety in Brazil
- Research into safe areas in Brazil and find out what life is like there.
- Find out facts about “safety” like I mentioned above.
After you’ve done your homework a bit, keep your partner in the loop about these things.
You will want to do this in passing and in a very informal way.
Me: “Honey, did you hear that they cleared out the drug lords in several of Rio’s most dangerous favelas, where millions of people live??”
Her: “Really? What happened?”
Me: “Well, it’s part of an effort to make the city safer with the coming of the Olympics and World cup”.
Her: “That’s cool!”
Me: “Yeah, they even put police stations in the middle of each one.”
That’s just one more seed planted into his or her mind in a non-manipulative kind of way.
People like good news and your partner is no exception.
3. Speak Passionately about Brazil without being Pushy
Passion ignites passion and nothing is more motivating then being in the presence of someone who is passionate about what they are talking about.
Put your mindset and heart into what you are passionate about and get excited!
This happened for me when I finally figured out a way to get back into the country, and this would be by having a child born on Brazilian soil, making him/her a Brazilian citizen and granting us residence.
The idea of travelling to Brazil while my wife was 6 months pregnant and starting from 0 in an area we had never been to before was crazy, but it happened!
And I had no resource like this website to help me out, I was on my own!
It all started out by me being über passionate about making it all happen and giving her the security that it would. This practically occurred through me passionately showing different aspects of the country that I loved.
Here are some examples of my conversations starters:
- “I just love how Brazilians always have time for you!”
- “Look at the view from this area of the city, isn’t it beautiful?”
- “I found this really cool store where you buy loads of fruits and vegetables for only about $.50 per kilo!”
- “Have you seen this couple who gave birth in Brazil already?”
The last example leads me right to the next tip…
4. Have them Read Through This Site
I’ve had numerous people write me to thank me for putting peace in their partner’s mind about certain elements of the country.
And whenever I give advice on this site, I try my best and talk about it from a very personal perspective.
Seriously, what help would it be if I gave you a bunch of dry facts, wouldn’t you rather listen to someone who has been there and done that?
When your partner is ready and begins showing a bit curiosity about moving to Brazil, begin forwarding links to posts on this site and have them read them through.
Studies show that it many times helps to hear it from a totally 3rd and uninvolved person rather then a loved one, where there is so much to lose.
I try and make it easy by providing a completely free 5 part video series called “The Golden Ticket to Brazil” (no strings attached, no spam) to you and anyone you know so that you can be successful in Brazil.
You can get instant access and sign up for it here:
My free video series should give you a couple of good legs to stand on in regards to how to be successful in Brazil.
Which leads me to the next tip…
5. Try it Out for a While – the Action Tip
Now that you have patiently won the trust of your partner and gotten to the level of him/her being willing to check it out, then it’s time to take action.
And don’t wait too long…
When my wife said that she was willing to give birth to our child in Brazil, I hurried up and purchased the flight tickets before she was even pregnant!
Yep, we would be going to bed early for the next couple of months (ear-to-ear smile).
We had a tight timeframe to make everything work out and prepare for the move but the purchase of the flight tickets was the great symbolic “we are going to do this now and there is no turning back” – it solidified things per se.
The rest of the time up to our departure was spent in planning and focusing on our goal ahead, this made us into partners fighting for the same cause rather then two sides discussing if we should go or not.
It was a table turner and what I would highly recommend you do if you get the old “ok” from your partner – take action right away, don’t wait as the rest will fall into place when you two are striving side-by-side to reach your goal.
If anything, I hope that this post serves as a blueprint to get over one of the biggest hurdles that you will face when wanting to move to Brazil or try it out.
Just remember to be patient and understanding the whole way through as some people have an easy time leaping after new opportunities (like myself) whereas others would rather be cautious and take the safe route (my wife).
Please let me do what ever I can to help you achieve your goals, you can always contact me if you need anything.
What tips about motivating/convincing your partner could you share to benefit others?
Valeu – cheers!